random thought.

It's confusing, isn't it? 

Often people will advise you to respect yourself enough by walking away from it that no longer serves you, grows you or makes you happy. But yet, you'll feel happy and fortunate while you're with him. 

Men are all the same, they cheat.

----------------

I'm not implying women do not cheat. Majority of the men have higher tendencies of cheating whether they have a girlfr, wife or even married with kids. They may have always yearned for a faithful woman. But when they've got one, they'll get bored overtime and that's where the cheating comes in. It's in their nature. 

The man has 3 kids and a wife who's providing for the family as well. He cheats, the wife knew but kept mum and so, she cheats as well due to business purposes. Moral of this, they mind their own businesses and still keeps the family going at the end of the day. 

- Typical scenario.

Well, I was told not to submit your whole self to that one man, else you'll lose your whole self when it happens. It's bound to come, just a matter of time. If it comes too easy, there'll be no thrill, no excitement. Women should be treated like treasures and not be used just to satisfy her man's needs. 

Hahaha, I was just pondering about this issue. Why don't I'll just stay single and lonely and save this trouble, save the hassle, save the misery. If not, get married and be prepared or unless he's a man from beyond the heavens. Hah. 

that's all folks. 

070613

It's 7mins to 6am. 

I can't fall asleep and so 'm here to... whatever you call this:

'm getting old but my actions tells otherwise most of the time. I can be serious and act as my age if i want to. I think I'm quite a sad person. I'm filled with loads of negative thoughts but speaks otherwise. Emily makes me exceptionally and undescribably happy, but not for long. I feel emotionless to almost everything everyday. I'm not exactly lost, I'm just exhausted. I'll think of how's my life going generally before I head to bed every morning. I'll sleep after 12mn or 3am or 6am which leaves me with very minimum rest. Tired. 

It's alright to feel indifferent? 

It's 5am...

I can't sleep. 

I can't sleep. 

I can't sleep. 

I can't sleep. 

I'm going crazy. 

Gets me so frustrated as this keeps on echoing in my head...

"so fken sick and tired of everything"

"so fken sick and tired of everything"

..etc. ARGH!

When you matter.

Indeed I'm in caught in a bothersome issue where I can't possibly fix it all on my own though I've been trying to. Something's really going wrong and I just cannot keep putting it off. To resolve it will be by means of working on it through and through, dealing with it together.

******
Both wants to be with each other yet make things so difficult and complicated. When one is being forced to leave and has decided to move on to something new, the significant other will definitely come back.

Is that always so?

******

I Pray.
;if it's your will, let us love each other according to your plan.

Built on lies and secrecies.

You want it, but your actions doesn't say so. Nothing's been done to prove so. It's not working, not at all. Again, just hanging there like a fucktard. You don't know what you want, what you want or hope to gain out of it, what you hope to look forward to, nothing of these sort. Then why am I back in this? I'm back in this not to go with the flow like you did previously. A waste of my time, and energy. It will be physically, mentally and emotionally torturing.

Integrity is needed.
It's not happening.

Relieved and calm.

This can never feel any better. Hiding the truth doesn't make you look good at all. There are eyes everywhere. I don't have to say a single thing. It just comes to me again and again though i wish to witness em with my very own eyes. Haha. No wonder you can't even face up nor look eye to eye. The Lord is on my side. Thank God for answering my prayers.

Well, I can't deny I was even dumb enough to be all head over heels for you. The drama, that traumatised moment and all those tears, I cried so hard... I can't possibly take them back. But I haven't and will not ever since it all came to an end.

Now, it feels like nothing. (Can't stop smiling.) Thank God for my beloved friends who stood by me no matter how stupid I was.

Wake me up.

For it has ended. I did what i could, could have been better. At least, I did not let my parents down. Just a simple thought of it, would get me breaking down.

I stood up strong this time. Not a single tear shed.

On this very night, I was where we party hard for the first time. The same period of time. The only difference would be the year.



Well, I went for a run......

And I never stop partying... 

Where am I heading to?

I've put down my pride, my ego, my dignity. Where else can I offer?

Enlighten me.

Enough.

I haven't done enough, haven't I? To deserve what I should deserve, to be treated and be respected rightfully. It's never enough and I'm sorry for never being enough. But I'm always willing to step up and try. I've never stopped trying, never.

I can only blame myself, for not loving myself enough to allow others to conveniently climb over my head. I've made this mistake way too often, and I end up torturing myself mentally and physically. I've failed, I've failed to stop and learn.

Le sigh.